Bathroom Soiree

	November 19 is World Toilet Day ! The average person supposedly spends 3 years of their life in the bathroom. More for women I think because women’s restrooms tend to be more ummm pleasant. Still, That’s like an hour a day in the most boring room in the house. So how do you pass the time while sitting on the throne ? and why do they call a toilet a throne ?
	The thing next to a toilet (Shatafeh in Arabic) is actually called a bidet which means pony in French ! Aside from the original intended usage, some people use bidets to bathe their babies, others to wash their feet. Using the same bidet for all 3 is in violation of the Geneva Convention (or should be).
	Is this (left) a control panel on an F15 ? No, it controls a state-of-the-art toilet. Of course it flushes automatically, but it also adjusts to your height/weight. The bidet is integrated; you can adjust the pattern and intensity of the water jets. Better yet it there’s a built-in blow dryer to pamper your butt ! Oh and if it malfunctions, well…who needs kids anyway ?
	Lacking the luxury of Japanese Toilet Technology (henceforth JTT) I have to make do with an ordinary toilet. The blue tiles (and the dreadful carpet) drive me nuts, but its too late to change them. I think whoever picked them must have thought they go well with the blue water. Arrrrrgh !!!
	So my favorite bathroom pastime is reading. It doesn’t have to be educational, I’ll read anything from a newspaper to the ingredients of random household products. For instance I realised both my antibacterial soap and toothpaste contain Triclosan, which leads to deep philosophical questions like: Could I wash my hands with toothpaste ?
	In my Canada days, my favorite bathroom reading material was Maxim Magazine. However buying one from Carrefour in Amman, I got nasty looks from little old ladies at the magazine counter. I mean I know the cover may be a bit racy by local standards, but come on it’s not pornography ! Anyhow, it turns out it costs 8JD here which isn’t worth it particularly since I skip all the pictures and sports. Yes, really ! In any case I’m just sticking to cheap paperback novels from now on.
	This piece of fiber-glass which replaces the traditional shower curtain is the best thing about my bath. Its clear, clean, and ominously promises to one day shatter into little pieces, and hurt someone !
	This spectacle is what goes for a laundry hamper in my universe. When the clothes pile up to the radiator, its time to do the laundry !
	Whenever I get bored, I perform my daily duties at our guest bathroom instead.
	Ah high-school toilet graffitti ! This brings back some memories. At my school we also had a graffitti tree where everyone would carve out their love interests. I like to think my name is still on that tree !