Marriage - Counter Sales Pitch

As a not so young man of 30, the subject of marriage is often brought up. Sometimes this is not so subtle. Have you ever been in a situation where you meet someone for the first time, then as soon as they find out you’re single, they introduce you to their daughter nearly 30 minutes later ? Then start what can only be called a “sales pitch”. My daughter studied X at Y University, and works for Z………bla.bla.bla…. So have you thought of marriage ?

Shouldn’t fathers have more respect for their daughter than to try to marry her off to someone they just met. In a perfect world I can be blunt and say: “Save your breath, I’m not marrying your daughter, and if you knew me well enough, you wouldn’t suggest it. Now can we please discuss something else, oh and point that shotgun somewhere else !“

So instead, I have to be nice and polite. What is the most basic decision making process ? Simply outlining Risk Vs. Gain and evaluating each risk based on how likely it is to occur, and how severe its impact will be. For Marriage, the items listed may be similar for all of us, but how they are analysed will be subjective.

Risk (R1-R13):

Responsibility: Every decision you make must now take into account your spouse and children. No more bungee jumping !
Financial Burden: Instead of supporting 1 person, now you must support 4+. The marriage ceremony, the honeymoon, housing, babysitter, maid, kids education, etc……
Loss of Power: Power structure changes from a dictatorship to decision by committee.
Loss of Privacy: Every minute and every action is now subject to review.
The Nakad Gene: Also known as nagging wife syndrome !
Kids: Those bundles of horror. From changing diapers, staying up late at night to listen to them cry, taking care of them when they are sick, helping with homework, answering their questions, providing guidance as they grow up, and the number one parental duty: Worrying.
In-laws: oh joy, more people to visit on holidays. This is the 2nd family that will be forced upon you, the first being the one you were born into.
Infidelity: So everything is peachy til one day you find some lipstick on your husband’s collar, or an expensive gift in your wife’s purse. What humiliation ?
Divorce: Who gets the kids, the house, the car. Who picks up the pieces?
Death: People get ill, and or die young all the time. Planes crash, cars explode, buildings collapse, ships sink etc…. What good is the perfect marriage, if your partner dies on you ? What sort of emotional wreck will you become ?
Murder: When someone is murdered, their husband/wife are usually the first suspect. Why ? Well, if you put two people in the same house, with little possibility of escape. It can be like a time-bomb. Tick Tick Tick….
No rewind: You could potentially lose a good chunk of your life on a failed marriage that can never be recovered. In our society a divorced, or widowed wife isn’t considered marrigable. This applies to a man too but to a lesser extent.
Angry Husband: Enough said.

Gain (G1-G4):

Sex: Why is this listed first ? Well, they don’t call it a basic instinct for nothing, and while men are much more vocal about it based on societal norms, It is just as basic a need for women. In a none-conservative society this gain wouldn’t really be restricted to marriage since extra-marital sex is not only common, but does not restrict you to a lifetime with one partner. As one offensive metaphor put it why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free ?
Companionship: You will not be alone, you have someone to grow old with.
Continuity-kids: We are all mortal, but while you may die at some point your dynasty will continue.
Financial Assistance: Assuming both the husband and wife decide to work, and share the Financial Burden. Often when the family you marry into is more well-off, they will assist you either through career, connections, cash etc…
*update* Love: Possible, but not a prerequisite, can sometimes come later, but can just as easily go!

It was notably easier for me to come up with risks than gains, but then again I am indefatigably pessimistic; and I have never been married. So did I miss anything ?